Review: Countdown

Elizabeth Lail and Jordan Calloway in “Countdown.”

Dir. Justin Dec. 90 minutes.
1/5

Main Character (Elizabeth Lail) downloads “Countdown,” an app that predicts when the user is going to die, with deadly accuracy. Together with Love Interest (Jordan Calloway) and Comic Relief (Tom Segura), Main Character must unravel the mystery of the killer app before her time is up.

Life as a young horror fan must be tough. If you can’t convince your parents to get you in to see “Midsommar” or “Us,” you end up watching something like “Countdown”: a beige, textureless, PG-13-rated horror movie that looks like it emerged from the pages of a JCPenney clothing catalogue. Teen slasher movies naturally tend to be awash in blood, sex and profanity, and the moments where these elements were removed from “Countdown” are clearly visible. It’s neither a film for kids nor a film for adults — it’s one masquerading as the other.

“Countdown” is yet another horror movie full of teenagers reciting edgy dialogue written by a committee of middle-aged men. The only really memorable character is “Father John,” a hideously unfunny renegade priest who munches communion wafers like Cheez-Its and refers to the Bible as “the ultimate graphic novel.” Yes, really.

The only reason such films exist is to circumvent an R rating and score a few bucks from teenagers and family audiences. “Countdown” isn’t even audaciously bad enough to be funny; it’s just disposable.