The liberals are coming! The liberals are coming! Grab your weapons while you still can for the end is nigh! At least that’s Dan Sullivan’s take on things. Sullivan, Alaska’s junior Senator, is in a tight race with Independent, Al Gross. The latest polls have them in a dead heat with Gross picking up steam. What are you thinking Alaska?
Why, in the reddest of red states, is a Republican like Sullivan having such a rough time? Haven’t you been paying attention to the commercials? If you have, you know Dr. Al is a fire breathing Liberal that has Pelosi on speed dial. He wants to take away your guns and force feed you tofu. I’ll bet he can’t wait to get into office to unleash his secret liberal agenda. How does the outlawing of apple pie sound to you? It could be coming. All you have to do is look at the commercials.
Cue the music:
“He’s killed a bear
Caught lots of fish
Not swayed by party politics
Independent health care pro
Keeping health care costs real low
Running for Senate Dr. Al Gross
Alaska’s own
Bear doctor.”
It’s right there in plain sight Alaska. All you have to do is look. He’s going to tweak gun laws until only he, and his ANTIFA buddies are allowed to carry. Then he’s going to go out and shoot bears, lots of bears. But this time he won’t kill them; he’ll just wing ‘em. Hurt them just enough to put them in need of a BEAR DOCTOR! Of course, by this time, we’ll all be suffering the dystopian nightmare of universal health care. Which means Dr. Gross is going to use your tax dollars to heal the bears that have fallen victim to his liberal blitzkrieg. It’s so obvious.
And what’s all this about keeping health care costs real low? That’s just code for keeping health care costs real low. Here’s how their insidious plan works. First you give every man, woman, child and bear access to health care. Then you pay for it with taxes. Bears will be allowed to pay in salmon heads. What follows is pure evil! Everyones’ health care needs are met, and because the cost is shared by the whole country, it ends up costing you less. See how diabolical this is?
On the other hand, Republicans in general, Dan Sullivan in particular, want to block the horror of a healthier America. This is what he’s doing for us. He wants to do away with the individual mandate, but keep the part about pre-existing conditions. That means you are not forced to buy health insurance until you get really sick. Then the insurance company has to take you because you can’t be excluded for having a pre-existing condition. Now, here’s the genius part. Because the pool of paying users is split up into multiple insurance companies, it’s much smaller than the universal plan. And because you don’t have to buy insurance until you really, really need it, the cost per customer is much greater. That means health care costs go through the roof. Told you this was genius.
So, don’t be fooled Alaska. Sure, Al Gross was born here, and he may have worked his way through medical school by commercial fishing. And maybe he did dispatch a bear in self-defense, but that doesn’t mean he knows what Alaskans are all about. Not like someone from the wilds of Fairview Park, Ohio.
And speaking of our favorite son from the Buckeye State, I wonder how that Pebble mine thing is working out for him? Sure, he’s taken over $34,000 in campaign contributions that are tied to the mine. That doesn’t mean they were buying his silence. In fact, when Obama tried to shelve the Pebble Project in 2014, he was very unsilent in his objections. It’s not like he was, “Off in a corner being quiet.” And it’s not like Pebble CEO Tom Collins was saying, “So I think that’s our plan to work with him is: leave him alone and let him be quiet.” Or saying that Sullivan was trying to, “ride out the election.” Actually, that’s exactly what he was saying.
So, here’s the deal Alaska. We can vote for Dr. Al Gross and his liberal bear agenda. Or we can stand with Dan. There’s probably going to be plenty of room in that nice quiet little corner.
Chuck Legge is an editorial cartoonist based in Sutton, Alaska.
